So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
