Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
