i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i drank out of a bidet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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