Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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