what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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