I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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