barbara walters just said penis...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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