Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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