dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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