oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
