I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
