she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
