We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
