I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize