I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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