so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
