i think my tv is drunk
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize