Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize