I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
