Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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