Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
