I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
