The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
