Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
