I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize