The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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