I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
