im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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