Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
