Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
