3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
