can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
