I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize