After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
