He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
