i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
