I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
