So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
