I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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