On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She bit a glass in half.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
