she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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