I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry about my life...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
