Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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