Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
