i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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