Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
