yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
