WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So squirting runs in the family.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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