Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
