i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
