Just took my morning after pill in the library
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
