At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
