Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
