I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
