I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
