This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
