some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
