ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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