Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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