We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize