Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
