I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
