I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
