walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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