fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize