Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
