You're my little dorito
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
