it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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