I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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