Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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