I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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