Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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