I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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