the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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