Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
