dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
