I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
