walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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