sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
