Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
