Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
