my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
