why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
