You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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