doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
