If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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