i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everyone is single if you try hard enough
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
