If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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