i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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