I heard we made out
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
