her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
