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Scissors
Fuck
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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