the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
