This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boobs are out for the taking
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
