I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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