Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
