textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
