You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
