If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
