the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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