Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
smell my finger.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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