I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
