don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
