Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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