i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I met the friendliest cop last night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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